Setbacks

I feel like I take a few steps forward in terms of my life, then always one back ever so often. I was ready to spend my entire life with my ex. Move anywhere he wanted to get a job he’d love since I could get a job anywhere and call it life. How do I come to terms with that? Will I ever? Last Sat, the 15th would have been exactly 7 years. 7 god damn years of my life spent with a person. How do you ever know when you aren’t broken anymore? I hate this feeling. Everyone expects me to be okay and be strong because that is the type of person I am, I am strong for other people when they can’t be, but I am so fucked up inside and can’t even be broken because life goes on even when you want it to stop for a moment. School and work you can’t screw that up because of a breakup, god no. But it was so much more than a breakup. It was an entire life changing event.  How do you let someone who was supposed to be your best friend keep so fucking low and hurt? I deserve so much more. There is a song called ‘Alone’ by a band called I Prevail. It pulls at all the ad heart strings that came with this heart break. I truly hope he realizes how much of a mistake he made, not because I’d ever take him back, but so he can feel the way I do. I just want to throw myself into a project, something that makes me happy, like photography. I’d love to be a photographer for a band.

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